


It was Platonic (But it Never Was)

by SoapDiSpencer



Series: Seijoh cannot get it together [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Fluff, Life Partners, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious, Oblivious Iwaizumi Hajime, Oblivious Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury, Pining Iwaizumi Hajime, Pining Oikawa Tooru, Post-High School, Requited Love, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Volleyball Dorks in Love, take this away from me, this was not supposed to be like this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:29:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27135943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoapDiSpencer/pseuds/SoapDiSpencer
Summary: Maybe everyone had this unnamable knot of emotions in them that they couldn’t possibly explain to anyone if they asked how he felt. He wasn’t allowed to be an unnamable mass of emotions. He wasn’t allowed to be anything other than happy. He refused to have anyone see just what the knot of emotions in him looked like. He refused to let them see anything but blind determination because if he let those emotions out he was dangerous. If he let himself anywhere near that little tangle of emotions then he truly deserved the insults he knew Iwaizumi didn’t mean but threw anyways.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro & Matsukawa Issei, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio & Kindaichi Yuutarou & Kunimi Akira, Kindaichi Yuutarou & Kunimi Akira, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kyoutani Kentarou & Yahaba Shigeru, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru
Series: Seijoh cannot get it together [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2003437
Comments: 21
Kudos: 70





	1. I just want to sit next to you

Maybe there was a simpler time. Maybe there was a time that he didn’t feel this way. Maybe there was a time when his feelings were named and simple. That wasn’t the case anymore. He didn’t think that there ever would be again, but he guessed that it just meant he was older now. 

Maybe everyone had this unnamable knot of emotions in them that they couldn’t possibly explain to anyone if they asked how he felt. He wasn’t allowed to be an unnamable mass of emotions. He wasn’t allowed to be anything other than happy. He refused to have anyone see just what the knot of emotions in him looked like. He refused to let them see anything but blind determination because if he let those emotions out he was dangerous. If he let himself anywhere near that little tangle of emotions then he truly deserved the insults he knew Iwaizumi didn’t mean but threw anyways. 

He didn’t have a problem with Iwaizumi throwing them. He knew that Iwaizumi loved him in the late-night talks about their dreams for the future and opening up about anything. They knew each other for everything. They knew each other as if they shared the same mind sometimes. They joked about it constantly. He couldn’t imagine a time when he didn’t hear Iwaizumi laugh out another “Shut up, Shittykawa” when he sneezed. He would act properly offended, but just enjoy the look in Iwaizumi’s eyes at their normal banter. 

Iwaizumi was his best friend, his platonic soulmate that he would marry in a second because celibacy would be worth getting to spend the rest of his life with him. It wasn’t like that between them. Even if it had crossed his mind a few times they wouldn’t work together. It was what he told himself every time it crossed his mind. It would never work between him and Iwaizumi. He was his best friend and that was enough. 

Iwaizumi flicked his nose and he was jostled out of his thoughts. Tooru pushed his glasses higher up on his nose to rub where he had been flicked. He pulled on an appropriately dramatic face just because he wanted Iwaizumi to roll his eyes at him. Iwaizumi knew damn well that he didn’t hurt him. 

“Iwa-chan! How dare you betray me? I was zoning out so perfectly! I was monologuing.” Tooru’s voice comes out with all the proper offense right up until his lips tug up into a smile at the last sentence. He couldn’t keep a straight face not when Iwaizumi was letting out that exasperated laugh. 

“We are supposed to be studying, Dumbass.” Iwaizumi shouldn’t sound that affectionate when he insulted him. It shouldn’t be easier for them to throw insults at each other than it was to address that weird tension between them. He still remembers the first time he wormed his way into Iwaizumi’s life. Despite his luck with girls he really didn’t have many friends outside the team, and before volleyball, he had even less. When he had sat beside Iwaizumi saying he just wanted to sit next to him with Iwaizumi collected bugs from the dirt beneath them. 

He will always say that he annoyed Iwaizumi to like him.

“You are doing it again. You know your ego can’t take it if you do badly in this class.” Iwaizumi points out jabbing him lightly with a pencil. Tooru pouts at him again, but finally does uncross his legs and return to his homework. He doesn’t know how everyone was supposed to be able to dedicate so much time to everything when they had that knot of unnamable emotions shooting their minds millions of miles away. 

When they finally finished he had to pointedly ignore the way their ankles brush together when Iwaizumi stretches out his legs under the table. He has to ignore that feeling that tugs at his chest because he doesn’t know what it is. He doesn’t know how to acknowledge the weird feeling that swells in his stomach. It doesn’t have a name. He doesn’t know how to explain it so he buries it deeper pretending that the flat emotions he showed on his face were all there was. 

He never gets over how nice it is to just sit silently beside Iwaizumi. He never has to fill the silence with mindless chatter that he usually did with everyone else. He didn't have to be anything. He just had to exist in the same space as Iwaizumi and it was nice. It was nice to subtly notice every movement of his best friend out of his peripheral vision as he scrolled through his phone. It was nice to feel that warm hum in his chest every time Iwaizumi snorted a little too loudly at something he was looking at. He was probably texting Mattsun or listening to Kyoutani's newest crisis over Yahaba. They were so obviously into each other that Tooru wished he could just slam them together, but Iwaizumi wanted to let them figure it out at their own pace. Tooru thought it was stupid. It shouldn't be possible for someone to be that oblivious to their own feelings.

"Are you going to hog my bed tonight or are you going home?" Iwaizumi asked and Tooru knew he wouldn't give up the chance to sleep next to Iwaizumi. He always liked waking up in the morning getting glimpses of Iwaizumi going through his morning routine. He liked spending time with Iwaizumi making him laugh whenever he could. He played up every emotion to see that look in Iwaizumi's eyes. That fondness? 

"You would send me out in the dark? Iwa-chan how cold of you!" 

"I can't stand you."

"Then sit down, because I'm your best friend. You are not getting rid of me that easily." 

"Put me out of my misery." Those words would be more convincing if Iwaizumi wasn't laying in the bed beside him getting ready to sleep. There was nothing wrong with platonic cuddling. Iwaizumi was the king of it with a casual arm slung over Tooru's waist as he settled in. During the night Tooru would migrate to curling into Iwaizumi's chest, but that was always too intimate for the light. That was only allowed with the excuse of sleep. If he curled into Iwaizumi's chest he would make it weird. He never wanted to do that. 

"Good night, asshole." 

"Good night, dumbass."

* * *

  
  


The next morning was another soft breath of too close, but not close enough that always seemed to linger between them. He watched Iwaizumi moving around his room cleaning up and getting ready for the day. He wondered if it was weird to linger a few moments longer in order to see the soft look on Iwaizumi’s face when he didn’t know that Tooru was looking. He didn’t mind having to do this. He didn’t mind having to feign sleep just to see the soft look that Iwaizumi shot him in the warm light of sunrise before his morning run. Soft looks just weren’t what they did. They threw insults at each other like affection. Tooru didn’t know if he would be able to take it if suddenly Iwaizumi started turning the full force of that gaze on him. He was sure he would combust. 

“Tooru- Are you going to come running with me or stay?” Iwaizumi’s voice was soft in his ear still a little rough from the early morning. His voice shouldn’t set off the knot of unnamable emotion, but of course, it does. The knot won’t stop lately with Iwaizumi and Tooru refused to acknowledge what that means. 

“Mhm… I’ll get up.” Iwaizumi got that fond look in his eyes and Tooru had to close his not to be hit with the full force of the complicated emotions they had for each other. He wasn’t in love with his best friend. They weren’t like that, but sometimes these emotions were confusing. He got dressed quickly heading out on a run with Iwaizumi. He was chattering on about something that was going on in his classes and asked all the appropriate questions about how his training was going. 

They were comfortable. Their friendship was like that one t-shirt you wore constantly because it was soft and worn. They were old friends, but the warmth there never left. He hoped that held true when Tooru flew halfway around the world to chase his dreams. He couldn’t imagine his life in Argentina because he couldn’t imagine a life without Iwaizumi. 

That’s not to say the line of friendship has been severely blurred over the years, but Tooru figured that long friendships like theirs just did that. It was normal to imagine spending the rest of your life with your best friend. Right? He was going in circles. He wasn’t in love with his best friend. They were  _ platonic  _ soulmates. Iwaizumi would never see him like that despite how complicated the unnamed tangle of emotions tugged when they were alone together. 

He was of course a sweaty mess when they got back to Iwaizumi's apartment. Tooru immediately stole his shower with a devious chuckle at Iwaizumi's protest. If he was being dragged out of bed in the morning for Iwaizumi's workout routine, the least he could do was give Tooru the first shower. He wasn't expecting the stubborn set to his jaw as he climbed in right behind him. The shower was quick and efficient, but it made the knot of emotions in his chest feel like anxiety. It wasn't like they haven't shared a shower before. They used to do it all the time, but that was before this weird knot of emotions in his chest. This was before Mattsun and Makki started throwing them looks and claiming they were in love. They were wrong. He wasn't in love with Iwaizumi. 

He might be slightly attracted to him, but someone would have to be blind not to be. Iwaizumi was all muscles and intense eyes. They joked constantly that Tooru would immediately drop to his knees for Iwaizumi, but that's all it was a joke. But here in the silence of the morning in a small shower that only barely held both of them, the thoughts crept back into his mind. He wondered if Iwaizumi would give him that soft morning look if he just dropped to his knees right then. He wonders if it would ruin their relationship so that he didn't have to learn to live a world away from his best friend. He would just not have one.

"You still have some soap on your back. Turn around." Was it a sign that he really didn’t want the option to look at Iwaizumi’s eyes when they showered together? He didn’t want to see if the weird tension was just him. Was he the only one making this weird? Was the knot of unnamed emotion causing him to worry about this more than he should. It was nothing different than they normally did. He turned and rinsed off laughing happily when Iwaizumi immediately splashed water in his face. Maybe he really was the one making it weird. 

“You’re done, now get out of my way, Princess.” Iwaizumi barked and pushed Tooru out of the shower making Tooru giggle as he dried off and got dressed. He wandered out to steal some of the yogurt he knew that Iwaizumi had stashed in his fridge. He would buy him more later. Iwaizumi never seemed to mind as much as they bitched at each other. 

“You better not be getting into the sodas, Shittykawa!” He heard Iwaizumi’s voice float through the hall and he couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his face. Iwaizumi was really going to be a good trainer. He had been dealing with Tooru’s bad habits their entire life. Tooru could go through entire twelve-packs if you left him alone long enough. 

“No, but I am stealing all your yogurt for doubting me!” Tooru called back snickering at the curse and crash of Iwaizumi very obviously dropping something. It was okay. That was an understatement. It was perfect. This calm way they interacted with each other. It was all he needed. He didn’t need to untangle the knot of emotions in his chest. He didn’t need to analyze every interaction between them for signs that something needed to change. He was happy just like this. 


	2. His Fingers and the Other Wonders of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time is closing in on them, but life goes on unchanged.

They had one year. One more year together before their lives yanked them in opposite directions and Tooru wondered if it was always going to feel like the end of the world. He wondered if the thought of losing Iwaizumi would always feel like a knife through the heart. Iwaizumi was his best friend. He never had to live a life without Iwaizumi by his side. He didn't think he would know how to.

"Oikawa, please stop drooling over Iwaizumi's abs for three seconds." Mattsun's voice came out as if he was tired. Tooru couldn't resist the urge to stick his tongue out at him. He wasn't drooling over him. He was lamenting over their future parting. There was a difference. Mattsun had taken Tooru out to lunch since he knew that it wouldn't be long until they were no longer able to do this.

"There is a difference between mourning the distance and drooling over his abs. I don't drool over Iwa-chan." Okay, maybe that came out a little more defensive than he meant it. He didn't drool over Iwaizumi's abs. Iwaizumi was firmly in the 'not allowed to thirst over' category in his mind. He refused to even touch that thought with a ten-foot pole. 

"You were doing both."

"So how is Makki?"

"Shut up, Oikawa!"

"That's what I thought. He's my best friend. It's not like that."

“You’re a liar, and a terrible one at that.” 

“Shut up!” That came out as a whine. He really was doing terrible today. He was usually better at throwing Mattsun’s teasing off. He was getting sentimental the closer they got to the end of the year. It was terrifying how easily he was unraveling at the thought of being without Iwaizumi.

“It’s really not like that. I am just getting sentimental. It’s less than a year now.”

“All the more reason to confess your undying love for him.”

“I am not in love with him!” He wasn’t. If he was in love with Iwaizumi then this unnamed knot of emotions in his chest would make more sense. If he was in love with Iwaizumi then maybe he could just deal with the problem rather than dealing with the pain of losing his platonic soulmate. Iwaizumi was his other half. 

“Stay in denial then. Yahaba finally gave in and made out with Kyoutani in the locker room. They are now absolutely disgusting when they bicker. Kunimi decided I needed a live stream of the chaos.” Tooru couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of him at the thought of the couple. He had known they would end up dating at some point. They weren’t covert about their feelings for each other. 

“Everyone knew that was coming.” 

“Everyone also knows that you and Iwaizumi are inevitable.” 

“That is not the same thing!”

“The only people that seem to not notice are the two of you!”

“Because there is nothing to notice.”

“Bullshit.”

“You are horrible.”

“Only as much as you are, sweetie.”

“Well since you have actually heard from the kids, how is everyone?”

“Kindaichi has apparently developed a huge obvious crush on Kunimi and Kunimi is letting Kindaichi figure it out for himself. Yahaba was absolutely screaming about it. He says that it is worse than you and Iwaizumi. At least Kunimi knows it is happening. Iwaizumi is just as oblivious as you are.”

“Why does it always come back around to me and Iwa-chan?” 

“Because you keep avoiding the topic. Anyways, Kindaichi and Kunimi started hanging out with Tobio on the weekends. It looks like they are patching things up. I completely blame that little boyfriend of Tobio’s.”

“Ah, our babies are growing up.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Shut up! Iwa-chan is the mom!”

“Can’t argue there.”

“When is Iwaizumi getting out of class?”

“I think in a few minutes. Is Makki joining us?”

“I can ask, but he does know I was meeting you so it is possible.”

“Are you ever going to address your feelings for him?”

“Nope.”

“Coward”

“Idiot, you don’t even admit that you are in love with Iwaizumi! At least I know I am in love with him.”

“But you are too much of a coward to tell him.”

“If you sing at me again I will tell Iwaizumi that you hate his girlfriend.”

“She doesn’t deserve him! He is so tired all the time and she uses him as her own personal venting station. He doesn’t have the time or energy to deal with her stress on top of his own.”

“He really likes her.”

“That isn’t the point. She is being selfish. Just because he won’t tell her that it is getting to him, doesn’t mean that he deserves that. I think he is about fed up with it himself.”

“Well, he told you that he was stressed so that is usually the first step in the relationship crashing and burning.”

“At least this one wasn’t crazy.”

“No he only has room for one crazy person in love with him and that is you.”

“Shut up!”

“Not until you admit it~”

“I hate you.”

“You love me, just not as much as Iwaizumi.”

“I hope you choke.”

“See you even sound like him.” The dissolved into laughter after that. They couldn’t help it. The warm feeling of being with back together after parting ways after high school was too much not to just sink back into. 

Iwaizumi and Makki walked in together chatting lowly about something. Both Tooru and Mattsun shot looks at each other and burst out laughing again. They were both hopeless. Iwaizumi moved into the seat beside Tooru ruffling his hair affectionately. Tooru squawked out a protest, but he doesn’t mind. He knows that Iwaizumi would fix it if he really messed up his hair that bad. 

“If I have to sit through one more physics class I might commit homicide so I don’t need to finish.” Iwaizumi muttered out the second he sat down and it caused another round of laughter to float around the table. 

“Better you than me.” Makki and Mattsun spoke at the same time sharing a smirk between them at having the same thought. Tooru didn’t understand how they could be so in love with each other and not even realize it. 

“It wouldn’t be so bad if I just didn’t have my Biology and Chemistry classes on top of it. Kuroo is the only reason I am even passing that class.”

“Did he finally stop thirsting over Daichi’s thighs and finally do something about the tension between them?”

“I can’t tell. I do know that he goes stupid the second Daichi is even mentioned. He came over when we were working on our lab reports and Kuroo almost short-circuited at the sight of him taking his shirt off.”

“Clueless idiots.”

“You’re one to talk. How is your girlfriend doing?” That drew a long groan out of Iwaizumi. Tooru couldn’t help the look that he shared with Mattsun. That didn’t bode well for Iwaizumi’s relationship lasting much longer. They all knew that the second that Iwaizumi stopped making excuses for his stream of girlfriends the relationship wouldn’t withstand the month. Oikawa wondered why he even pretended to begin with. 

“She just… She’s stressed out about her finals, but she is a terror! She started accusing me of cheating on her with Shittykawa yesterday.” 

“I mean you two are stupidly codependent.” Makki sounded way too smug. Tooru would not let him get away with that. He would get him back later. 

“Shut up, Makki!” Tooru hated that he and Iwaizumi sounded exactly the same as they yelled at Mattsun. He hated the look that Makki and Mattsun threw at each other even more. He wasn’t in love with Iwaizumi no matter what they said. 

“Speaking of Makki, how is being Mattsun’s sugar baby going?” Tooru said just to see the glare that Makki sent his way. Makki was living with Mattsun as he ‘found himself’. He was constantly between jobs not really knowing what he wanted to do with his life. He didn’t really blame him. Tooru didn’t know what he would do without volleyball. 

“Okay, that’s enough of that. We’re leaving.”

“You are mad because it’s true!”

“Shut up, Shittykawa.”

“Hey! Only Iwa-chan can call me that!”

“Later lovebirds!” They both said simultaneously as they walked away with their coffees. Iwaizumi glanced over at Tooru and Tooru knew what he was going to say before he even opened his mouth. 

“There is nothing wrong with us. Your girlfriend is just crazy and jealous of everyone. She accused you of being into Suga just last month.” 

“How do you know that was what I was going to ask?”

“Because I know you. You are not wrong in being annoyed with her. She is taking her own insecurity out on you. She should trust that you are not the type of guy to cheat. Even if I am prettier.” 

“Shut up, dumbass, your ego is suffocating me.” 

“Rude!”

“Besides pretty is all you have going for you.”

“Hey!”

He can’t tear the fond smile off his face as they walked back to Iwaizumi’s apartment. He doesn’t know why he hadn’t moved in when he had the chance. He was almost never at his own apartment anyways. Iwaizumi slipped his hands into Tooru’s when the chill of fall started to creep in. Tooru let out a soft sigh. He understood why people thought they were a couple, but it just wasn’t like that. They knew each other their entire lives. Of course, they were far too comfortable with each other. It didn’t mean what everyone said it did. Iwaizumi’s hands were warm and he liked to warm Tooru’s since his hands were so important to his game. 

“Is the cold bothering your knee?”

“A little. Nothing a warm bath won’t fix. I haven’t been working it as hard as usual.” 

“I’ll draw you a bath. Get some food ready for dinner.”

“Got it.”

They split ways once they got in the door Tooru making something easy that they could snack on in the bath and Iwaizumi started running the water adding muscle relaxers to the water. They had a system. Iwaizumi would always rub his knee when the weather started to get cold. It was what they did. Tooru knew that he would be an amazing trainer when he finally finished school. 

He brought the food to the bathroom stripping down and settling into the bath across from Iwaizumi who immediately just pulled his leg into his lap and started rubbing circles into the skin there. Tooru let out a shameless moan at the feeling of Iwaizumi’s firm touch. He relaxed deeper into the bath and started feeding Iwaizumi as he worked. A few minutes in he got a text from Makki. 

“I HAVE NEWS AND WE NEED TO SEE YOU RIGHT NOW!”

“Doors open” He sent back without hesitation. Makki and Mattsun came over enough that he didn’t mind them coming in whenever. It wasn’t like they haven’t ever seen each other naked and they were almost done anyway. He heard when the door opened. 

“We’re in the bath! Be out in a bit!” Iwaizumi’s voice floated through the small apartment easily. He heard snickering from the other side of the door.

“You two bathe together? Is Oikawa moaning? Are you two finally doing the nasty? We can come back?”

“He is rubbing my knee you sicko!” 

“Sure, sweetie!”

“We don’t have time for this! Iwaizumi your girlfriend is an actual nightmare! She came to our fucking house to ask if you two were together! You need to control her!”

Iwaizumi groaned and shook his head. Tooru felt bad that Iwaizumi had another failed relationship coming his way. Iwaizumi was so good as a boyfriend. He never talked shit about his girlfriends even with the team. He was never too busy for them. Iwaizumi deserved better. Iwaizumi tapped his knee lightly and got out wrapping a towel around his waist to go out and talk to Mattsun and Makki. Tooru sunk deeper in the water wondering if this would be the thing to finally get Iwaizumi to leave her.


	3. Everything is the Same (Everything has Changed)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things had changed, but very little has been said.

Hajime knew his relationship was screwed the second she had accused him of being in love with Tooru. She wasn’t the first to accuse him of it. He really doubted she would be the last. No one understood their relationship. It was completely platonic even if it strayed into codependency more often than not. He knew it wasn’t exactly healthy, but neither of them cared. They belonged together. They were platonic soulmates. He really hadn’t expected her to get a complex over it and start accusing him of being with every one of his friends. That was where he drew the line. 

“She asked you? She just showed up unannounced to interrogate you over mine and Shittykawa’s relationship?”

“That’s not even the worst part! She asked if we could help her convince you to spend less time with him! How dare she?”

It wasn’t often that Hajime saw Makki this heated. The usual quiet personality had dissolved away into rage and indignation. Hajime couldn’t blame him. He couldn’t imagine what made her even ask anything of the pair. Makki and Mattsun had been trying to convince them that they belonged in a relationship since their first year of high school, and he knew damn well that they were still banking on it happening one day. He ignored it. He didn’t need them to understand his relationship with Tooru. They supported them and that was all he needed from them. He was Tooru’s rock and Tooru kept him pushing forward and not getting caught up in the details. 

“Look, I never want to tell you how to live your life. If you like her then you should talk to her, but if you don’t… It’s time to break things off. She has gotten obsessive and it’s not healthy.”

“He’s right. You are killing yourself trying to balance it all. She has gotten you behind in three classes already.” Oh, he really didn’t need Tooru’s input in this. He knew damn well that anytime Tooru spoke up about one of his girlfriends that the relationship wouldn’t last the week. Tooru knew him best. If he said that he was letting her take over his life then he was. 

He sighed softly sinking into the couch. They were right. He didn’t know why he kept letting her rule his life. They hadn’t even been dating that long. It shouldn’t be this bad. Tooru was finally dressed and shuffling around the apartment to give them time to talk. He didn’t know why Tooru kept out of his relationships so much when he knew how much Hajime valued his opinions. No matter what Tooru wouldn’t say anything until it had already gotten to a point that the relationship was already falling apart to put in his own opinions.

“I’ll take care of it. I am sorry that she interrupted your night.”

“You’re fine. We don’t blame you.”

“No one blames you.”

Tooru sinks into the couch beside him his fingers reaching out to run softly through Hajime’s hair. Hajime sunk into it leaning against Tooru. 

“Besides, we knew you had bad taste. Look at who your best friend is.”

“Oh! Self-burn, those are rare. What did you do to him in that bath, Iwaizumi?”

“Shut up! He was rubbing my knee! You guys know how bad it gets when it starts getting cold.”

“Besides do you really think that I would go to Shittykawa?”

“Hey! You would be lucky to have me!”

“Unlucky maybe.”

They are laughing again. He underestimates how much the three of them know Hajime. They know just what to say to make him feel better. Even if every girlfriend he has had has been terrible, he had these three idiots to make sure that the negative feelings never lingered. 

“Well, we are going to let you two get back to ‘massaging’ each other.”

“Shut up, Makki.”

“I just said we were leaving!”

“Shut UP, Makki.”

“Leaving now, lovebirds.”

Hajime ended up breaking up with her that same week. Tooru didn’t even need to ask before he made his favorite for dinner and started talking about something trivial knowing that when Hajime was ready he would cut him off to talk. Hajime almost wished that it wasn’t romantic between them. Tooru was the only one who knew exactly what he needed. They had known each other for so long that it would be easy to just spend the rest of his life with him. 

It was a couple of months later when things changed between them. He hadn’t expected them to blur this many lines. They had always been a little too close, but it had never strayed this far into weird before.

“I need you to sleep over at your place tonight.”

“Found yourself a new girlfriend finally?”

“No, but I am going to actually combust if I can’t at least rub one out.”

“I don’t mind. Just rub one out. It’s not like I’ve never heard you masturbating before.” 

“You are okay with me getting off while you are here?”

“Yeah, do you really think I don’t when you are in class?”

“Shittykawa, I swear to god if I ever come home and you are masturbating on my bed I will kill you.”

Tooru just shrugged, but that was almost worse. He didn’t deny that he had done it. He didn’t try to defend himself. Now Hajime was faced with the possibility that Tooru had gotten off in his bed before. He quickly decided that he didn’t want to know even if the image of Tooru getting off did weird things to his already neglected libido. 

“Need a hand?” 

“What?”

“Come on, I am not propositioning you. You are my best friend. It’s just scratching an itch.”

“Are you offering to get me off? Really?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“If Mattsun and Makki find out about this then they are speaking at your funeral when I kill you.”

Tooru chuckled but slipped down to his knees in front of Hajime and he was really not prepared for how that image was now burned into his brain. 

“Can I?”

“Uh, yeah…”

“Relax.”

“Hard to do that with you trying to suck my dick!”

“You can say no. I just thought that we would both be happier if you would loosen up a little. I know finals are killing you. Just close your eyes and imagine someone else.”

“I am not saying no.”

“Then stop whining.”

Hajime is pretty sure that his heart stops when Tooru yanked his pants down his pants and immediately dropped his mouth to tongue over the tip of his cock. Hajime could feel his cheeks heating up. He couldn’t tear his eyes off Tooru who looked like he did this for a living. He wondered when he had time to hone this skill without him noticing. He can’t help his hand sliding into Tooru’s hair just gently caressing it. Tooru just hums and takes the head into his mouth and Hajime is sure that his mind is now a puddle on the ground. He had never even imagined Tooru like this. He had never dared to even think about his best friend on his knees for anyone much less himself. 

“Fuck, Tooru, where the hell-?” Oh, this was so much worse when Tooru glares up at him his mouth stretched wide around his cock. He should not think that Tooru looks pretty like this. This was crossing so many lines. He could never use the excuse that they had never crossed the line into sexual territory. He could never forget exactly how Tooru looked on his knees for him. And Tooru looked amazing. He never doubted that Tooru was pretty, but it was completely different now. Tooru wasn’t just pretty. He was beautiful. 

“Oh, shit, Tooru slow down.” His voice came out strained. It had been too long and Tooru was working him so perfectly. He immediately regretted his words because then Tooru slowed down pressing his tongue flat against the underside of his cock. It was so much more intense. Tooru sucked dick the same way he did everything, determined to be the best. 

“Tooru… Fuck, I-” Tooru ran a soothing hand over his thigh and fuck did that do things to him. He grabbed a fistful Tooru’s hair as he came down his throat. Tooru pulled back with a smug smirk on his lips. 

“Now, relax. You were starting to stress me out. You are going to do fine in your classes.” Tooru said patting his head as if he didn’t just suck his soul out through his dick. He just wiped his mouth and continued moving around the apartment as if nothing had changed. It had changed everything. 

“You don’t want me to return the favor?”

“Not tonight. Maybe after finals.” Tooru spoke like it didn’t mean anything, so Hajime had to pretend that nothing had changed. He had to pretend that he had just come to the life-changing realization that Tooru was beautiful and maybe he wasn’t quite as straight as he thought. He had to live with the knowledge that Tooru would always be his best friend so close, but just out of reach. He had to live with the fact that nothing had changed, but suddenly he wanted it to. Suddenly he wanted to know everything about his best friend with no lines in the way. He shook his head. Nothing would change. He wouldn’t let this change them. 


	4. Crescendo and Decrescendo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He keeps crawling back to Iwaizumi and he couldn't figure out why. Was this just another form of his desperation to not lose Iwaizumi when he leaves? Was this another desperate plea to not lose his soulmate? If he could fill Iwaizumi's every need then maybe he wouldn't lose him when he chased after his dreams. If he could imprint himself into Iwaizumi's skin then maybe he would never forget him.

Tooru may have miscalculated. When he had offered himself to Iwaizumi he was under the impression that it wouldn’t mean anything, but it just made that unnamable knot of emotions in his chest even more confusing. They had a new dynamic now. He still wasn’t in love with his best friend. He would know what to do with that. He would know how to cope with love. He didn’t know how to cope with what they had. He kept falling to his knees to get one more taste of him. He keeps crawling back not only into Iwaizumi’s bed but also his skin. 

He keeps crawling back to Iwaizumi and he couldn't figure out why. Was this just another form of his desperation to not lose Iwaizumi when he leaves? Was this another desperate plea to not lose his soulmate? If he could fill Iwaizumi's every need then maybe he wouldn't lose him when he chased after his dreams. If he could imprint himself into Iwaizumi's skin then maybe he would never forget him. 

He didn't know why he kept doing this. He just knew that he did and Iwaizumi never turned him away. He slipped into the bed with him plastering himself against Iwaizumi's chest and let his hands wander. He let himself map out parts of Iwaizumi that he had only ever seen. He let himself be used, but never let Iwaizumi get too close. He never let Iwaizumi return the favor. He couldn't because that would make things more complicated. 

"C'mon, Tooru, let me." Iwaizumi panted into Tooru's neck as Tooru's hands slipped down into Iwaizumi's pants. 

"Don't worry about it." It was all Tooru could do to hold it together because it was only nine months before he had to leave. It was only nine months before he had to leave Iwaizumi behind. 

“C’mon, Tooru, I want to get you off.” Iwaizumi sounds desperate, and Tooru wonders how it ever got to the point of Iwaizumi asking him. He wonders when he fell down this rabbit hole of denying himself. He shifts over Iwaizumi straddling his hips and pressing himself closer and closer. He is still trying to imprint himself into Iwaizumi’s skin even if it feels selfish if he gets off on it himself. Maybe just this once he can break his own heart. Because it’s not love, but he wishes it was. He didn’t know how to love someone. He didn’t know how to love someone the way that he should. All he knew was that he couldn’t be in love with Iwaizumi because that would be easier. 

Iwaizumi’s fingers dig into Tooru’s hair and he bites a mark into his neck. They never kiss. That would be crossing too many lines. If they don’t kiss it is just scratching an itch, and that is all it could ever be. He isn’t in love with his best friend even if they tangle up together like this too often nowadays. 

“Hajime~” Tooru wonders when he started whining out Iwaizumi’s first name like it belonged on his tongue. It didn’t he never even let it take up space in his mind because Iwaizumi wasn’t his to hold. Iwaizumi was his best friend and they were never supposed to be this complicated. It had always been so simple before. 

Iwaizumi sucks at his chest and greedy hands press into his skin pulling him closer and closer as if Iwaizumi was trying to imprint himself on Tooru’s skin the same way that Tooru was imprinting himself onto Iwaizumi’s. He wondered if this complicated dance would end when he came back. He wondered if they could go back to when everything was simple and he didn’t know what Iwaizumi felt like pressed into his skin.

"Fuck, Tooru…" Iwaizumi's hand moved down to wrap around his cock and suddenly it felt suffocating. Iwaizumi was like an inferno of feeling. That unnamable knot of emotions swelled every time they touched. Tooru couldn't help the low moan that escaped his lips. His fingers tangled in Iwaizumi's hair rocking down against him more. This felt like it was crossing more lines than the blowjob ever could. There was helping your best friend out, but then there was whatever this was. He was pressed so close to Iwaizumi and he kind of wanted to kiss him. 

"Hajime…" he still breathed out his name like a prayer. He never once considered stopping this. It was inevitable. After that first time, he couldn't help but fall into Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi pushed him on the bed pinning Tooru's wrists above his head as he moved down his body taking his cock into his mouth. Tooru let out a loud moan, his fingers reaching down to tangle in Iwaizumi’s hair. 

“Yes! Fuck, Hajime!” Tooru couldn’t stop the babble of need that left his lips when he felt the heat of Iwiazumi’s tongue against his cock. His mind went blank to anything that wasn’t Iwaizumi. 

“You are so pretty.” Iwaizumi whispered into Tooru’s skin as he sucked marks into his thighs before moving up to take him back into his mouth. It was suddenly all too much for Tooru. This was getting dangerously close to tender and Tooru couldn’t cope with the way it made the knot of emotion in his chest ache. He pushed Iwaizumi back and avoided the confused look that Iwaizumi sent him.

“Don’t call me pretty. I am not one of your girlfriends.” 

“The fuck, Shittykawa. Since when do you have a problem with being called pretty?” Iwaizumi’s voice was demanding and Tooru almost wished he could flee. He knew that would be worse so he tried to reign in the panic stirring in his chest. He hated this stupid emotion in his chest. It made everything between them so much more complicated. 

“That’s not it and you know it!”

“No, you are just being fucking weird!”

“I am not the one acting weird! You keep calling me pretty and saying you want to touch me! That’s not what this is!” 

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Fuck it! Nevermind!” Tooru got up yanking his clothes back on. He knew he was making things worse, but he couldn’t keep this up. He couldn’t keep falling into bed with Iwaizumi when he wouldn’t even have the option soon. He would leave and Iwaizumi would find a girl who actually treated him right, and none of this would even matter. 

“Tooru! Where the hell are you going?”

“Home! I don’t live here, Iwaizumi.” 

“You basically do.”

“Well, not for much longer.” That was an admittedly low blow. He knew full well that Iwaizumi was dreading him leaving just as much as he was. He just needed space to breathe. He needed time to think about what the hell he was doing. 

“Fine.”

Tooru made it halfway home before the weight of that one word sunk into his stomach. He wanted to cry. He couldn’t go to Mattsun or Makki. They couldn’t know what had been happening between him and Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi himself had laid down that rule. He couldn’t talk to any of his other teammates either. They wouldn’t understand. He didn’t know who to go to for advice. It was just so much.

He made it to his apartment which felt cold and unlived in. He spent so much time at Iwaizumi’s that he didn’t even bother to decorate it. He sunk to the floor in his hallway letting the tears stream down his cheeks. He had messed things up. He knew that this was his fault. He had been the one to sink to his knees first. Iwaizumi couldn’t be blamed for their deteriorating friendship. This was just another thing that he couldn’t do right. 

He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He was losing Iwaizumi all for an impulse decision. He was losing his other half because he didn’t know when to quit. 


	5. Idiots Finally Talk

Hajime gave Tooru a week to calm down. That was what he told himself. He was going to give Tooru a week and then he was going to hunt him down and make him talk. It was less than two days when he got the call from Mattsun.

“I don’t know what happened between you two, but he is smashed and you are the only one who has a key to his apartment.”

“Where are you? I can go get him. Especially if he is drunk. I don’t want him hurting himself.”

Hajime would always drop everything for Tooru. This wasn’t the first time he had. When he got to the bar he didn’t even acknowledge Tooru before scooping him up into his arms. He was just glad that Tooru hadn’t bulked up more or he wouldn’t be able to lift him. 

“How is he mentally?” 

“He cried a couple of times, and went full dramatic mode when you were mentioned.” 

“Thanks, Makki.”

“Thanks for picking him up.”

Hajime was just glad the walk wasn’t too far. He would hate to have to take Tooru across town like this. Tooru looked awful. He had very obviously been ugly crying and the alcohol was not helping things. 

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I do! You stupid… make me feel things… hate you.”

“I can’t help you there, princess. You are supposed to feel things.”

Tooru at least helped on the walk home. That alone showed he wasn’t as far gone as Mattsun and Makki thought. Tooru was obviously upset, but Hajime knew he wasn’t wasted.

“How high are you right now?”

“I didn’t smoke tonight. Bad place mentally.”

“Good.”

“I’m not stupid.”

“I know, but I worry anyway.”

“Why do you have to be so fucking nice to me when I am mad at you?” 

“This is the only time I am nice to you. Fucking cope with it.”

“So mean~”

“Are you ready to tell me why you are so upset at me?”

“No.”

“Okay, then we are going to get you a shower and into bed, and then when we wake up tomorrow we are going to talk.”

“Yes, mom.”

“I can still fucking drop you, Shittykawa.”

Tooru giggled at that and suddenly the weight of their fight wasn’t as heavy. They still had each other no matter what they had said before. Hajime led Tooru to the shower stripping him slowly and carefully as he ran the shower and got in behind him to make sure he didn’t fall over. 

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be.”

“Yeah, I do. I pointedly yelled at you because I was overwhelmed. It was unfair.”

“You weren’t the only one who yelled. We’ll talk about this when you are sober and not getting snot on me.”

“You’re so mean!”

“You complained I was being too nice earlier.” Hajime washed Tooru’s hair gently wrapping him up in a towel and helping him to bed. He wrapped his arms around Tooru pulling him tight to his chest letting him sleep off his intoxication. The next morning he woke up early and made breakfast trying to make the inevitable hangover as painless as possible. 

“Breakfast in bed? Who are you and what have you done to my Iwa-chan?’

“Shut up. I could make this so much worse for you.” 

“Yes, mom.”

Hajime gave Tooru time to wake up and look semi-alive before he spoke. 

“We still need to talk about it.”

“I know, but I don’t know what to say. I got overwhelmed.”

“Tooru, why didn’t you talk to me then?”

“Because I started it. I didn’t know how.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. If you were uncomfortable, you should have talked to me.”

“I know…” 

Hajime couldn’t help it. His hand reached out and looped through Tooru’s. Tooru looked up at him and Hajime was struck again by just how beautiful Tooru was especially in the early morning light. He knew he had to leave for class soon, but he wanted to make sure they were okay first, and it wouldn’t be the first time that he had bummed the notes off Kuroo. Kuroo didn’t seem to mind.

“Tooru, you are my best friend. You can tell me anything. I am not about to get mad at you for having thoughts and emotions.”

Tooru was tearing up and Hajime felt like his heart was shattering. When was the last time that someone told Tooru that he was allowed to feel things? Everyone always expected him to be at his best. His fan club and even the team expected him to always be pressing forward. 

“It feels like everything is changing. It feels like I am going to lose you when I leave.”

“You won’t. You won’t lose me. Platonic soulmates, remember? I am right here and I am not going anywhere, and when you come back then I will still be here ready to kick your ass when your ego gets too big.”

Tooru laughed and it made Hajime’s heart clench. He was going to miss him. He had never had to live without Tooru right there beside him. He had never learned to stand on his own and now they had to. Tooru needed to chase his dreams and so did he. He just hoped that it wouldn’t be forever. He wouldn’t mind waiting for Tooru, but that would require Tooru to still want to be at his side forever and Hajime doubted that Tooru would come back when he was the brightest thing that most people would ever see in their life.

“You are such a softie, Iwa-chan!”

“Shut up, Shittykawa. I have to go to class.” Hajime hid the flush that spread across his cheeks by pressing a soft kiss to Tooru’s temple and slipping away to get ready to leave. His heart ached a bit from Tooru not wanting to change their relationship, but he was happy as long as Tooru was happy. 

He got to class on time sitting beside Kuroo as normal. Kuroo was giving him a look and he knew that he was going to get an interrogation on why he was late to class. Kuroo was starting to get interested in his and Tooru’s relationship since Hajime started teasing him about being into Daichi. 

“Trouble in paradise?”

“Still can’t grow some courage and actually ask him out?”

“Ouch, low blow.”

“Sorry… Yeah, Tooru and I had a fight and we just patched things up this morning.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, we are good.”

“Good.”


	6. Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this was a mistake, but it was the best one he ever made.

Things went relatively back to normal, but there was a tension there that there wasn't before. It was like both of them just wanted to reach out and pull the other closer. It was like they were stars that were drifting too close to each other. They were being sucked into each other's gravitational pull and there was nothing they could do to prevent it. Tooru wondered how long they could last. How long could he resist the pull of Iwaizumi's attention? How could he give up Iwaizumi looking at him like he was the most precious thing even if it was only for a moment? How was he supposed to cope with that? 

"Iwa-chan, come on~ Finals are over. Come with me." 

"I should be here to pick you up if needed."

"You don't always have to take care of me. Loosen up. We're not even drinking. A little puff puff pass and then we go home I promise. I want to spend time as a team before I go." Tooru knew he was playing dirty. He wanted to be close to Iwaizumi. He wanted to try and make the most of the last three months. 

"Fine, but you have to make sure that Kyoutani doesn't try and challenge me. I am not there to get fucked up." 

"I am not going to let them goad you into anything you don't want to do. Where do you want me to cut you off?"

"I'll take a couple of hits, but I am not going to get fucked up just in case."

Tooru nodded repeating it a couple of times in his head so that it would stick even when he started getting inebriated. They always had a system to make sure the other was okay when they went out to a party. It was Tooru's going away rager that Makki and Mattsun had decided to throw for him. It was also when he had set as his cut off point where he didn't touch alcohol in order to try and keep his body in top shape. 

Iwaizumi got up to get dressed to go out with Tooru. The walk to Makki and Mattsun's apartment was filled with easy talk about Iwaizumi's classes which Tooru found amusing. He appreciated how passionate Iwaizumi was. Iwaizumi had something to reach for as well. They would come back together after having lived their dreams. 

"I'm getting sentimental. I thought I could go the entire year without getting sentimental, but I can't. I'm going to miss you." Tooru didn't know where that came from. It was whiney and overdramatic. It was so much easier to make him start up their playful banter than to actually address what that warm feeling in his chest was. 

"Shut up, Shittykaka. You probably won't remember me the second you touch down."

"I am going to remember you! I need my brain cell, and we happen to share one as Makki says." Tooru can't help but smile at Iwaizumi's reaction to his words. The way he let out an almost cackling short laugh. 

When they got there they realized exactly why Mattsun had labeled it a rager. They had pulled almost every person they knew was in the area and apparently some that weren't. They had invited the entire team and apparently, Kageyama had been yanked in by Kunimi and Kindaichi. However, apparently, Kageyama had pulled his own teammates along with him as support. Iwaizumi had been told to invite Kuroo and Daichi who had added Suga and Kenma. If Kuroo was there then that meant that Bokuto and Akaashi were close by. They had stayed close. Tooru wondered who thought this was in any way a good idea. He could already see disaster starting to strike. 

“Do not let me end up with anyone here. If I end up making out with someone stupid I’ll die of embarrassment. That is including Mr. Refreshing!”

Iwaizumi laughed but agreed as he slipped away to find Mattsun and Makki. Kyoutani and Yahaba made their way over to Tooru. By the looks of it, Kyoutani did not want to be talking to him, but he figured that had to do with the hickey poking out of his shirt. 

“Oikawa! You are finally here! Are you excited?” Tooru smirked at how uncomfortable Kyoutani looked trying to be casual even while he had very obviously had just gotten taken apart by Yahaba. 

“I have so many emotions at once. I don’t think I can answer that.” Tooru said, trying to hide the fact that he was not excited to leave. With everything going on with Iwaizumi he didn’t want to leave before he figured it out. That wasn’t any of their business so he covered it with his usual flair. Yahaba chuckled and nodded letting Tooru slip off to find Makki and Mattsun. Tooru noted that Yahaba was absolutely doing this on purpose and hoped they were happy even if they were little shits. He finally found the group of adults laid out over Makki’s bed. 

“Ey! Oikawa! Come join the circle. We are keeping the fun stuff away from the kiddies.” Iwaizumi shifted to make room for Tooru right beside him. Tooru really hoped that nothing messed them up even more. Despite everything being back to normal, Tooru was still having to restrain himself from trying to touch him.

Once they were all a little more relaxed they went back to the living room and Tooru immediately got roped into a drinking game with the other teams. Suga and Tooru were battling it out in a terrible uncoordinated dance-off that very clearly horrified the Karasuno second years. 

“Kuroo and Daichi just snuck off,” Suga whispered lowly in Tooru’s ear and thank the fucking gods. He was so tired of them dancing around each other. Hopefully, this meant that they would own up to being besotted with each other. 

“Finally.”

“Have they been just as obvious to you as well?”

“Worse. We had to hear Iwa-chan complain daily about Kuroo being absolutely useless when Daichi was around.”

“You should have seen him when they started running together in the afternoons. Daichi about exploded at Kuroo’s muscles.”

“Absolutely helpless.”

Suga laughed happily at Tooru’s teasing expression. Suga and Tooru had started talking when Kuroo and Daichi had paired up in chemistry. They often got together or texted about the dumbassery that their teams got up to.

“Tooru~” Suga threw a devious smile at Tooru at the sound of Iwaizumi’s voice calling out to him, and Tooru knew exactly what Suga was thinking. He wished it was true for just a second. He wished he could just let Suga be right and fall into Iwaizumi, but it was much too terrifying. 

"Hey, Iwa-chan, wanna dance with us?" Tooru teased, moving to pull Iwaizumi close and pressing tight against him. He knew this was already too messy. He knew he should pull away. He wasn't so inebriated that he forgot that. He just couldn't make himself give up being the sole center of Iwaizumi's attention. 

"You are scaring the kids."

"And you like it."

"I do."

Tooru pressed closer a smile spreading across his face at the way that Iwaizumi looked at him as he danced. He wished he could press closer and mess him up just like every other couple here. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Iwaizumi’s cheek. 

“You’re so pretty.”

“You are calling me pretty again?”

“It’s true.”

“But you never used to say it.”

“I only recently noticed.”

Tooru wasn’t expecting his heart to pound at that admission. Iwaizumi thought he was pretty and couldn’t keep from saying it. Tooru looked up at Hajime with his eyes wide and his cheeks red. He wondered if he would regret it later if he kissed him. Before he could even think their lips were pressed together and Hajime’s fingers were tangled in his hair. The knot of emotions in his chest refused to be ignored anymore. 


	7. Kisses in the Dark

Hajime didn’t know where it came from. He didn’t know if it was the intoxication or if it was just Tooru looking up at him like that. He couldn’t resist pulling him into a slow kiss his fingers tangling in Tooru’s hair. It was their first real kiss. They had shared one when they were kids wondering what it was like, but this one was so much more important. Tooru clung to him his fingers trailing along Hajime’s cheeks softly. 

Tooru tucked his face into Hajime’s chest when they pulled back and they swayed to the music. He wondered vaguely where Suga had run off to. There was no way in hell that people weren’t going to find out about this. 

Tooru pulled back and Hajime was sure that he was tearing up slightly. This was a conversation that they had to have at home when they had both sobered up. They ended up back in the tangle of people laughing and talking. Akaashi was a giggly drunk and Bokuto was very obviously smitten by it from the look on his face. 

“The kids are leaving in an hour so that they are home and in bed and we can actually go wild.”

“Well, you already did by the sound of it, Makki. I believe that you were seen giving Mattsun a very clumsy lap dance.”

“Have I told you I hated you recently?”

“Not recently enough. I told you so.” 

“You also missed Kageyama discover his sexuality by walking in on Kunimi and Kindaichi going at it in the bathroom.”

Tooru bursts into giggles. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. He couldn’t believe the normally emotionally constipated setter had walked in on his underclassmen going at it so soon after patching up their friendship. 

“That is now Karasuno’s problem. We have enough gay crises in our own team.” 

“You aren’t going to help out?”

“Not even a little.”

Makki chuckled and shook his head. 

“You suck.”

“Not as much as you.”

“Wait! Who the fuck invited Usjijima?”

“Uh, I think Ushijima got yanked out here by Tendou.”

“I hate you. You did this on purpose.”

“He’s not that bad. It’s just you.”

“You are no longer my favorite.”

“I never was.”

“Congratulations, Oikawa. I hope to play against you again someday.”

“I’ll kick your ass.”

“Hey! You will not!”

Hajime shook his head and walked away from where Tendou and Tooru were already bickering about Ushijima. Hajime knew that Tendou had just as much fun picking on Tooru as Tooru had pretending to act offended. 

"Come on, Iwa, drinking game," Mattsun said with a grin pouring Hajime a drink when he entered the room. He was just glad that the younger ones were competitive enough to play the games without alcohol; he did not want to be adult supervision. 

"I am not getting shitfaced with you. This is Oikawa's going away party, not mine." Mattsun pouted but nodded and set the drink to the side. 

Mattsun mostly chatted with Hajime only casually observing the drinking game that Mattsun was barely participating in. He knew for sure that Mattsun had lied at least three times out of embarrassment, but he wasn't about to call him out on it. He now knew way more than he ever needed to know about some of the other teams that he knew that Tooru would love to hear about. 

Tooru slipped into the seat next to Hajime after a while. He was obviously a little tipsier as he pressed his head against Hajime's shoulder and looped his arm around his bicep. Mattsun hesitated what he was saying for just a second. Despite how comfortable they were together. They never hung onto each other like this except in private. They kept a respectable distance even with their friends. 

"Tooru, you ready to go home?"

"Not yet. Just a little longer." 

"Okay."

Mattsun was looking at him when he looked away from Tooru. It was like he could see into his soul. Tooru wasn't doing anything too weird and still, Mattsun was looking at him like he had an epiphany. 

"Don't say anything."

"I wasn't going to."

"Yes, you were. It doesn't matter." 

"You two are stupid and I am staying out of it. Makki meddles not me." 

"You are a dirty rotten liar."

They had always teased them about being a couple, but this was the first time Mattsun realized that Hajime knew he was in love with Tooru. Tooru glanced up at them with a confused look. Hajime shook his head as if he would tell Tooru later even if he knew he wouldn't. It would keep him from questioning Mattsun. He couldn't let Tooru know not before he left. It could make the distance so much farther if they also weren't talking to each other. He didn't want Tooru to get weird with him for his feelings. They were already each other's other half. The rest could come later. 

"Okay, now I am ready to go home as much fun as it is to watch Kuroo and Daichi try to one-up each other and everyone getting caught in the crossfire with the drinking game." At this point, they had started getting competitive and Bokuto looked to be considering throwing Kuroo under the bus so Akaashi wouldn't single him out. It was honestly pretty adorable to watch the couples interacting. The younger kids were leaving to wherever they were staying while they were in the city. Hajime still didn't know how they had worked that out and probably didn't want to. Hajime said his goodbyes and walked with Tooru home holding him steady with an arm slung around his waist. 

"I had fun." 

"I'm glad. You know they are going to throw an even bigger one when you get back. Maybe then everyone will have their shit together."

"Yahaba texted me that Kindaichi is having a gay crisis over Kunimi and apparently Kageyama is having one as well over that bratty middle blocker. I don't think that they are going to get their shit together."

"Wait Hinata? Kageyama liked Hinata? Isn't he with Kenma? Kuroo told me so a bit ago when I asked him how Nekoma was."

"No no no. The other shitty middle blocker. The blonde."

"Oh, Tsukishima. I don't know him."

"No, because you don't go watch the team play enough with your classes. I can dip over there and stay with my parents more than you can." 

Hajime rolled his eyes at how Tooru managed to sound like a brat even when he said that. He pulled Tooru a little closer and pressed a soft kiss against his temple. 

"What are we doing?"

"Nothing. You're my best friend. I can barely let you go as it is."

"Oh…"

"You shouldn't sound so disappointed."

"You shouldn't have looked so disappointed as you said it."

"Tooru…"

"Hajime… we don't have to talk about it."

"Three months until you leave. Don't make this change us three months before you fly halfway across the world. Gods, Tooru if we had opened our eyes sooner then maybe, but not-"

"Okay."

Tooru still slipped his hand into Hajime's when they got ready for bed. Hajime still pressed a soft kiss to Tooru's temple as Tooru curled against his chest. They were clinging onto the last threads of a chance to stay the same because change was terrifying. 

"I am in love with you." 

"I know. I'm in love with you too. That doesn't change anything. I don't want to tie you down. I don't want you to want to visit all the time. I don't want you to miss it here. I want you to go and live your life as much as you can. I don't want you to come back to stay until you are ready to retire from volleyball. I don't want to be the reason you turn down an opportunity."

"Why can't we make the most of the time we have left?"

Hajime shifted and pulled Tooru up for another slow deep kiss. Tooru shifted slightly to fully lean into the kiss his fingers tangling in Hajime's hair. 


	8. Another Day Missing You

Everything and nothing at all changed after that. They still spent time with each other and prepared for Tooru to leave, but they also traded slow sweet kisses before they parted lingering in each other's space for a little too long. Neither of them knew how to take the next step. Neither of them knew how to define what they were doing. They set up a new boundary not to cross that they both knew they wanted to. They set limits on how close they got when they traded sweet kisses at night. They were just best friends that were in love with each other. They weren't lovers. They weren't together. It was hell. 

It wasn't a special occasion when they broke the unspoken rule between them. They weren't doing anything out of the ordinary. They had been spending a lazy day in front of the TV still in their pajamas despite it being midday. Tooru was babbling wildly about some crime documentary while Hajime was being contrary just to watch him get more and more adamant that he knew exactly who the killer was. Hajime had kissed him soft and slow. Tooru had hummed and shifted to settle in Hajime's lap. 

The kiss slowly got deeper as Hajime's fingers dug into Tooru's thigh pulling him closer. Tooru let out a moan when Hajime pulled away from the kiss only to kiss and suck his way down Tooru's neck. Hajime knew he was the one who had set the boundaries, but he was tired of pretending that he wasn't losing the love of his life. 

They rolled their hips together with a slow sensual grind as their lips connected again. Hajime loved that shade of pink on Tooru's cheeks. He gently pulled off his glasses, setting them on the coffee table. 

"Are we doing this?"

"Do you want to?"

"Yes."

"Then I am going to make sure you never forget me."

But then like the universe was directly against them there was a knock at the door. Tooru cursed as he got up to answer it, adjusting himself in his pants in an attempt to look presentable. There was Makki red-eyed and miserable. Hajime’s heart dropped at the sight. It wasn’t often that Makki and Mattsun fought, but when they did it was always bad. Tooru and Hajime fought constantly but never stayed mad. They were too opposite extremes.

“Come in. What happened?”

“It’s really stupid.”

“Not if you are crying.”

“We were teasing each other like normal and we both crossed a line.”

Hajime glanced at Tooru telling him not to pry. The look in Makki’s eyes screamed at him that he didn’t want to talk about what had been so bad that it was crossing a line between them. As close as the four of them were some things were solely Makki and Mattsun. He could never imagine being that in sync with anyone but Tooru. Tooru squeezed his fingers and Hajime nodded walking to get them all a drink while Tooru led Makki to sit down. Before he moved back to the living room he got a text. 

“Do you guys have him?”

“Yes”

“Good, take care of him.”

“How badly did you fuck up?”

“Pretty bad.”

“Fix it, Matsukawa. You are head over heels for him.”

“I know.”

Hajime shook his head before taking the drinks to the living room where Tooru had let Makki change the movie and was now challenging him to a competition where they threw popcorn into each other's mouth. Tooru always knew how to cheer one of them up. Despite all his flaws, he was an amazing friend. Hajime pressed a soft kiss to Tooru’s head before he sat down on Makki’s other side. 

“Finally, huh?”

“We can only deal with one of us having relationship drama at once. We had to figure our shit out eventually.”

“You both suck.” 

Makki is laughing despite his words. He elbows Hajime in the side and steals his blanket with a grin. Hajime loves having Makki over, but the moment between him and Tooru was now over and as three months left dwindled to two then one they never quite got up the courage to fall back into each other’s arms like they had. Not much really changes. They are ‘together’ now. Hajime just guesses that the team was right about them already being practically together. 

He knew what they were waiting for. Maybe if they didn’t take that final step then it wouldn’t feel so final. They would have unfinished business to come back to. If they never took that final step then they could still go back to being just best friends if things started to go wrong with Tooru across the world. 

Soon enough they were clinging to each other at an airport terminal Tooru’s fingers clinging to Hajime’s cheeks like he wanted to memorize exactly what he looked like. Hajime was crying. There was nothing else that he could say. He had already said goodbye the night before when they held each other tight trying to fight sleep so they would have a few moments longer together. 

“I’ll come back.”

“Just take care of yourself for me.”

“I will. I will come back to you in my best shape.”

Hajime pulled Tooru into a kiss not caring that they could be seen. He wasn’t usually one for public displays of affection, but Tooru was leaving him and he wanted to make their last moments count. 

He doesn’t know how they manage to let go. He barely remembers the journey home. He knows that Makki and Mattsun were there to help him through it. He knows that he had cried for hours, but it got easier.

A little easier. They could categorize their time apart in a series of pictures back and forth. He had a new selfie of Tooru as his home screen nearly every other day. They would often just have a video call on in the background as they worked on other things. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough. 

It was his lunch break and he knew that Tooru was just now winding down for bed. He had his phone pressed to his ear trying to imagine Tooru going through his nightly routine. Hajime silently wondered if any of it had changed since Tooru practically lived at his house. He was getting a bit of an accent and Hajime thought it was adorable. 

“I just want to sit next to you again.” Those words shouldn’t mean so much between them. It shot them both back to a time that was so much simpler. A time when Tooru used to sit beside Hajime talking about anything under the sun while Hajime tried to gross him out with as many bugs as possible. 

“I miss you too, Tooru. I miss you so much. Sometimes I wish we weren’t so scared. I wish that I could have been loving you back when I first fell in love with the way you smiled at me. I didn’t even know what I was feeling at the time, but fuck, I wished that I had kissed you back then.”

“Hajime, you’re going to make me cry.”

“It’s all true. I feel like I have loved you forever. It just took me years to put a name to it.”

“We still have time.”

“Yeah…”

“I love you, Hajime.”

“I love you more, Tooru.”


	9. Worth it All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The distance doesn't seem as far when Tooru can look back through pictures of their greatest hits.

It was a year, three months, and fifteen days since Tooru had said goodbye to Hajime, and he was finally touching back down on Japanese soil. He barely made it through customs when he broke out into a sprint at seeing Hajime there with his usual grumpy look on his face. Tooru launched himself into Hajime’s arms and Hajime as always caught him pulling him close and pressing a soft kiss to the crown of his head.

“Tooru…”

“Hajime…”

“Welcome home.” Tooru pressed a soft kiss to Hajime’s lips and he could feel the smile already forming. Hajime put Tooru down gently grabbing his bags and intertwining their fingers. When they got back to the apartment Tooru was suddenly surrounded by the sound of their team yelling out a happy ‘Welcome back!’ 

Tooru cried and Mattsun and Makki took about a million photos that Hajime dutifully saved for nights when he really missed Tooru. He had a folder on his phone just filled with pictures when Tooru looked genuine and not his usual happy mask. He had screenshots of Tooru with his hair sticking to his face making him look like a drowned cat. He had pictures of Tooru laughing from their numerous video calls. He also had pictures of Tooru half asleep, his face still having lines from his pillow and his hair a mess. Those were his favorite. Those made him feel like Tooru was back in his arms like before.

Eventually, everyone had to leave. Hajime was honestly grateful because that meant he finally had Tooru all to himself. He had been waiting for this for one year, three months, and fifteen days. When the door finally closed behind Mattsun and Makki who were finally talking properly again after the fallout of the fight they had before Tooru left, Hajime couldn’t wait any longer. He pulled Tooru to his chest and poured every bit of longing he had felt in their time apart into that one kiss. 

“Miss me?”

“Only every day.”

“Iwa-chan!”

“Shut up.”

“Not when you are being all sweet!”

“I can tell you that you look like shit from your flight.”

“Iwa-chan! Mean!”

Hajime pulled Tooru into another soft kiss, his fingers ghosting over his cheek lovingly. Tooru smiled softly up at him, his eyes brimming with tears. Every moment apart felt like a lifetime. Finally being in each other’s arms again felt more like coming home than any place ever could. Tooru wiped tears that Hajime didn’t even know he was crying off his cheeks.

“You big softie.”

“I really missed you. I half considered running away after you during every exam.”

“I really missed you too. I kept being tempted to just take a long weekend and make the flight even if it was only for a night.”

Hajime picked Tooru up gently carrying him to the bedroom. Tooru clung to Hajime giggling softly at the fact that Hajime finally had to struggle to hold Tooru up.

“I am going to be too big for you to carry soon.”

“I think I just have to work harder. You look amazing.”

Tooru snorted into Hajime’s shoulder, pressing soft kisses to Hajime’s jaw lightly. 

“Are you planning on taking advantage of me so soon after I come home?”

“No, I am planning on holding you for a little bit longer and the bed is the most comfortable.”

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“You don’t, but I love you anyway.”

“Iwa-chan! We were having a moment!”

Hajime laughed softly dropping Tooru on the bed loving the yelp he let out. Hajime laid down pulling Tooru to his chest. They both let out a long sigh of relief. This was where they were happiest. Here is where that longing that always ached in his heart finally settled into a hum of contentment. This was the place that Tooru felt like he was home. 

The visit wasn’t near long enough. They both sobbed as they let each other go at the airport terminal again clinging to the last touches trying to memorize what each other felt like in their arms. Saying goodbye hadn’t gotten easier. Hajime pressed a soft kiss to Tooru’s hands. 

“I’ll be here when you come back.”

“I expect you to catch me every time.”

“Bold of you to assume you will ever beat me.”

“Such an ass.”

“Call me when you touch down.”

“Yes, mom.”

“Fuck, why do I love you?”

“Because I am the only one to put up with your attitude.”

“I feel like that is the other way around.”

Hajime watched as the plane flew off, already counting the minutes until Tooru was back in his arms. He was coming back for Hajime’s graduation. 

Tooru only let himself cry for the first hour of the plane ride. He knew he was getting some odd looks, but it was never easy to leave Hajime behind. He pulled out his phone looking through the photos of them both. 

He smiled softly when he got to the picture he had taken of Hajime wrapped up in a Godzilla hoodie looking delighted. The picture right afterward was Hajime looking absolutely disgusted when he realized that Tooru was taking a photo, but that glimpse of genuine happiness was all he needed. 

He came across a video. He knew it well. It was a video taken at their graduation party. Both him and Hajime were in Tooru’s room getting dressed and Hajime was fixing Tooru’s tie not knowing that Tooru had started a video to show off his outfit. He should have known back then that he was in love. He could see it so clearly in both of their eyes now.

“If you are going to be in front of your fans you have to look your best.”

“I always look my best.”

“I sure hope that isn’t your best.”

“Iwa-chan!”

“There. Pretty as always.”

“Thank you.”

Tooru had to wipe a few stray tears away at that. He remembered that night so fondly. He had another picture just after, of the entire team covered head to toe in water after Hajime had thrown him into a pool and the rest of the team had jumped in after. They were all laughing. He missed all of them. Hajime had been right about the going away party being even bigger than the last. Some of their underclassmen were already of age by that point and they could throw a proper rager. Makki had gotten shit-faced and actually called Mattsun his sugar daddy in front of the entire team causing relentless teasing. 

Tooru kept swiping through seeing dozens of pictures of the Hajime and him. There was the time that they had almost gotten arrested trying to visit the team at school because the teacher hadn’t recognized them. Neither of them had been in his class and they had to explain that yes they were there to see students, but no they were not related to anyone. It had been a mess and the team had called them old men for months after that. 

There was the time that Tooru had almost gotten knocked out from trying to scare Hajime during a horror movie. Hajime had reacted with a punch in Tooru’s general direction, but Tooru had moved just in time. He had been recording and got to see Hajime’s reaction morph from fear to fond annoyance. He loved that look on Hajime’s face.

As he got further down he started to see videos that were just of Hajime that he had been sent. The pictures and videos changed from being both of them to just Hajime talking to the camera. Tooru ached at the change. He loved getting videos of Hajime during the night. He would always wake up a little earlier so he had time to scroll through and watch each of them every morning. He always sent little video clips of his day back so that Hajime could do the same. The last photo in his camera roll was Hajime laid out on the couch asleep wearing Tooru’s jersey and a pair of sweatpants. Tooru had come home from seeing Yahaba and seen Hajime and immediately took a picture. Hajime still denied that it ever happened, but Tooru had posted the photo on his Instagram and there was no denying that proof. 

When his flight touched down he felt a little lighter. He knew what he was coming home to. He knew that Hajime would always be there just a phone call away. Tooru needed to chase his dreams for now, but Hajime was his future. 


	10. A Ruined Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't pay too much attention to the title of this chapter.

It had been two years, seven months, and thirteen days since Tooru had last seen Hajime. Hajime was finally graduating. Tooru had made sure that nothing could get in the way of him being there to see it. He wouldn’t miss something as important as this for the world. He ran into Hajime’s arms just like he said he was going to and Hajime caught him just like he said he would. There was another welcome back party. When it was all over though, the mood wasn’t as bright. Tooru sat on the couch, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

“I have missed so much. Kageyama is a whole adult now. Kindaichi and Kunimi are off to university. I feel like I don’t even belong here anymore.”

“Tooru… Of course you belong here. Everyone is always so excited to see you. You message all the time. It’s not like you dropped off the face of the earth. Just because you aren’t here physically doesn’t mean that you are missing everything.”

“I just miss home. I miss being here. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too, Tooru, but you are finally living your dreams. You can’t do that here. Is it worth it? Do you miss home so much that you want to give up on all your dreams?”

“Sometimes…”

“Tooru… It’s not forever.”

“It’s not much longer… My knee is getting worse. I just want a little bit longer. I just want to reach a little bit higher.” 

“I will be here when you are finished. We can get a house and get old and grey together.”

“Hajime… If you ever talk about me getting old again I will smother you in your sleep.” 

Hajime laughed shifting in front of Tooru cupping his face lovingly. 

“You will be beautiful even then.”

“You big softie.”

“I can’t help it you told the world with your stupid instagram posts.”

Hajime pulled Tooru into a slow soft kiss. 

Tooru only got to stay for a week before he had to fly back. The trend continued. Every year or so Tooru would take a flight down to Japan and see everyone and Hajime would promise that they wouldn’t be apart forever. It got harder and harder every time to say goodbye. Every so often the stars would align perfectly and Hajime could make the flight to go see Tooru, but that was considerably harder for them to plan. 

“Your accent is terrible!"

"Shut up, Shittykawa. I don't live here like someone."

"You came all to see me~."

"I don't know why I love you."

"Because I'm pretty."

"No, if you were just pretty I would have kicked you to the curb years ago."

"Mean!"

Hajime leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Tooru's cheek. 

"You love me."

"I do."

Hajime had to admit he loved Argentina. It was beautiful and vibrant. It was definitely a bit of a culture shock to hear everyone calling Tooru by his given name, but Tooru seemed to not even notice it at this point. He liked seeing Tooru's daily routine. He even got to sit in on Tooru's practice and talk to his team. Tooru had pouted for a good two hours after he had made sure that Tooru was taking care of himself with the trainer assigned to his team. Hajime knew he wasn't actually upset because the video of him yelling at Tooru for working too hard was put on Tooru's Instagram story. 

"Iwa-chan~"

"Not now, Tooru. Weren't you just pouting at me?"

"You are supposed to be spending time with me, not exploring the city that I see every day."

"It's not every day that I get to see it. Stop whining."

"Well, if I'm annoying you then I should just head home."

"Get over here. Just because you suck doesn't mean I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"I don't suck!"

"Yes, you do."

"Do not!"

"I am not doing this with you here."

"Say something nice to me!"

"Fine. I think you are beautiful. You are the most determined, hardworking, and loyal person I know. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to get married and retire with you. I want to get a dog and name him after Ushijima just to watch you get all offended. I want to- Tooru I swear if you are recording this I will smother you with a pillow."

Tooru was holding his phone up obviously just trying to catch a video of Hajime actually saying something nice to him, but he wasn't even looking at the phone. Tooru was staring wide eyed at Hajime who had been talking as he looked around the city. 

"You want to marry me?"

Hajime had planned how he wanted to propose to Tooru for a while. He had wanted to take Tooru on an elaborate date followed by a walk through the park that they met in before finally proposing. He had a game plan and hadn't really meant to blurt it out like that. He looked at Tooru, his cheeks reddening.

"Of course I do."

"Hajime… Marry me. Marry me right now."

"I am not eloping. You would kill me if you didn't get the chance to dress up."

"It would be worth it to be married to you."

Both of them forgot about the video still going. Tooru had put down the phone and grabbed Hajime's hand softly. 

"You would really give up a lavish wedding that I know you have planned since you were like ten to be married to me?"

"Yes."

"I wouldn't make you. I want to marry you in front of everyone. Show everyone that you are mine."

"Hajime…" Tooru was tearing up clinging to Hajime like a lifeline. 

"You ruined my proposal, Shittykawa. I already had it planned for when you got back to Japan."

"I don't care. This is perfect."

"The ring is back in Japan as well."

"You got me a ring already?"

"Of course."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."


	11. Longing for Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some days the absence of them hurts worse than others.

Things got easier when Hajime moved to California for school. Tooru could make the trip more often and vice versa. They weren’t an entire world away from each other. It got easier, but at the same time, it didn’t. Hajime was struggling with being so far away from Hiro and Issei. Tooru could see the longing in every video call they shared. While Tooru had been in Argentina long enough to get used to the absence Hajime obviously wasn’t coping well. Tooru could understand his pain even if it had scarred over in his own heart. Issei was also in school and couldn’t talk as much with the different time zones. Hiro was just barely getting back on his feet after the fight they had. Tooru felt like they were falling apart. 

“Princess! You need to fly you and Hajime back to Japan.”

“Issei I can’t just take off whenever I want. Hajime and I already planned to go back in the summer.”

“No, this is important. Hiro and I are getting married.”

“What?!”

“Couldn’t let you and Hajime beat us, princess. We’re getting married first. We need you there of course.”

“I didn’t even know you two had finally admitted you were together?”

“It’s complicated. We’ve been together since second year technically.”

Tooru’s entire world was turned upside down at that simple admission. He still remembered teasing the two of them just after high school that they couldn’t get their shit together. He remembered the lingering looks they shot each other never confessing the feelings they obviously had. He couldn’t believe that they were together and just never told them. 

“Wait! Weren’t you sleeping with Hajime during that time?”

“I said it was complicated! That doesn’t matter now. Hiro wants you to be his best man.”

“Of course I will, but you still need to explain! I have been trying to get you two together for years and suddenly you are just getting married?”

“Tooru… You know how complicated things can get.”

“I do and if you don’t want to tell me that is fine. I just worry about the two of you. I mean I love you guys. You two are my best friends now that Hajime has been promoted to fiance level. I want you two to be happy.”

“We are happy. We are so happy. Hiro finally agreed to let me spoil him a little.”

“He is still freaking out about that? I thought you two got past that?”

“You know it’s not that easy.”

“Yeah. I know. I’m sorry. I really should call more.”

“Hiro would really like that. We miss you, Tooru.”

“I miss you too. I’ll call Hiro.”

“Thanks, princess.”

“Anything for you, my prince.”

Tooru took a while to compose himself after the call. His team looked concerned but he couldn’t bring himself to reassure them. He was happy that they were getting married. He was. But the last he had heard from Hiro he was still falling apart over the things Issei had said to him in the fight before he left. They had taken years to come back from that fight. He didn’t even know that Hiro had moved back in with Issei. He had been staying in Hajime’s apartment when Hajime moved to California. 

He took a deep breath and called Hiro checking the time in Japan just as he did to make sure that he wasn’t about to wake up Hiro at an unreasonable hour. 

“Hey! Tooru! It’s been a while!”

“Hey, Hiro. I just got off the phone with Issei. You sly little shit! You just had to one-up me didn’t you.”

It was nice to hear Hiro laughing again. Hiro had not coped well with the fight between him and Issei. Pulling a laugh out of him had been like pulling teeth. Tooru had hated leaving them like that even if they were pretending that everything was okay every time he came back. Tooru knew better. He knew those two idiots better than anyone else.

“Can’t be the best at everything, princess.”

“Hiro…”

“Tooru, it's fine. I promise that we’re okay. I get the mother hen act enough from Hajime. I want this. I am so fucking happy.”

“That’s all I needed to hear. Do you have anything planned yet? Do you have a date planned yet? I can’t wait to see you. I will not wear red even if I get kicked out of your wedding for it.”

“I am not going to make you wear red, princess. We are going with forest green as our base color.”

“Oh! Hajime is going to look beautiful.”

“He is, isn’t he?”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too, princess.”

Tooru talked to Hiro as long as he possibly could before he had to get back to his very strict schedule. Tooru felt empty when the call finally ended. He missed being able to talk with Hiro for hours at a time. He hadn’t had a proper conversation with Hajime in a few days because of their opposing schedules. Hearing from Issei had been a breath of fresh air and Hiro even more so. They had been just as much of his other half as Hajime was during their high school years. He had shared every bit of himself with the three of them. Now he was halfway across the world away from them and he felt every kilometer. He did the only thing he could. He called Hajime.

“Hajime”

“Tooru, are you okay? You sound like you have been crying.”

“I miss Issei and Hiro.”

“Did they tell you?”

“Yeah, Issei called me to ask me to be Hiro’s best man.”

“I miss them too.”

“Why does it suddenly feel so hard? I was fine. I was coping. I have been here for years now. There’s no reason that I should be blubbering like a baby now.”

“Tooru, it’s okay to be upset. You don’t have to always be the strong one.”

“I know that you have it harder than me though. You are having to take classes and deal with teachers-“

“Tooru, stop comparing us. Just because you have been there longer doesn’t mean you can’t miss them now.”

“I just- this is my dream.”

“That doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to miss home.”

“I don’t really. I miss them.”

“That’s okay too. I miss them too. Fuck I miss them so much. I missed you every day you were gone when you first left and I still miss you now. That’s okay.”

“Feels like shit.”

“I know, love. We’ll see them soon.”


	12. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang is back together for the wedding yeehaw

Coming home for Issei and Hiro’s wedding was a bittersweet moment. Tooru was elated to see Hiro and Issei, but he also no longer felt like he belonged there. Japan felt as foreign to him as Argentina did when he first moved. He found himself having to remind himself that it wasn’t appropriate to do certain things anymore now that he was back in his home country. He had never felt more out of place than when he touched down in his home country and no longer felt like he belonged there.

“Tooru!”

“Issei!”

Tooru didn’t give a shit at the scene they were causing when he launched himself into Issei’s arms and clung to him like a lifeline. Hiro chucked behind Issei and pushed him off so that he could hug Tooru too. Tooru pressed a kiss on both of their cheeks running his fingers through their hair playfully.

“Look at you, my prince, you’re positively glowing. Is Hiro making you that happy? There’s no chance I can steal you away instead?”

“Oi! You little shit I am right here!”

“I’ll take you too, Hiro. Say the word and we can get back on the place and I can steal you both away from here.”

“Not a chance, princess.”

“I had to try. Has Hajime landed yet?”

“Not quite. He is scheduled to land soon though.”

“I’ll give you 500 yen if you make him blush.”

“Oh, I’ll take that bet.”

Tooru giggled softly at the determined look on Hiro’s face. Usually, it was Issei who was the first to go after Hajime, but it looked like Hiro had missed Hajime just as much as Hajime had missed Hiro. When Hajime finally crossed over to the area that they were in Hiro shifted to him and grabbed him by both cheeks planting a kiss right on his lips making Hajime light up with the brightest blush. Issei cracked up holding onto Tooru who also could barely hold in his amusement.

“Hajime, have something to tell me?”

“Tooru, this reeks of your ideas.”

“I missed you and you kissed Hiro before me. How dare you?”

Hajime rolled his eyes pressing a kiss to the top of Hiro’s head before moving to pull Tooru into his arms kissing him deeply.

“I have no idea why anyone ever thought it was a good idea for the three of you to be together.”

“You love us.”

“Unfortunately.”

Issei pulled Hajime into a tight hug kissing his cheek lightly. 

“You know you wouldn’t trade us for the world. We are your best friends.”

“Best mistakes.”

“Ouch, you know, princess, I think you need to run away with us just to get away from Mr. grouchy over here.”

“Yeah, princess. Let us treat you right.”

“Issei if that is your hand on my ass I will kill you.”

“No, it’s Hiro’s.”

“Hajime are you really going to let them feel me up like that?”

“You’re a big boy Tooru.”

“Fine, Hiro, your hand stays there.”

“Score!”

“That one is Issei’s hand.”

“Hajime you don’t need to point it out. Tooru is used to the feeling of my hand on his ass.”

“And you’re very familiar with the feeling of me in your ass.”

“Hajime!”

Issei flushed bright red at Hajime’s comment. Hiro was holding his stomach, he was laughing so hard, holding onto Tooru for support. Tooru watched them a ball of warmth settling in his chest for the first time since he left them behind. He missed this. He missed how easy everything was when it was just the four of them against the world.

Issei and Hiro took them to their apartment handing them a key for the duration of their stay. Tooru felt like a ghost floating through an old life. Hiro and Issei’s apartment looked the same, but different. They had shifted things around and gotten new appliances. Tooru kind of missed the dent that they had accidentally put in the fridge door two years ago.

“Tooru, you’re drifting.”

“Sorry. I am just so happy to see you, but it feels foreign? I never expected your apartment to feel foreign to me.”

Hiro glanced up from the drinks he was making to look at Tooru wide-eyed. Issei was enjoying the feeling of being in Hajime’s arms again when Tooru spoke so Hajime held him back from immediately going to pull Tooru into his arms. Hajime understood. He had been in California long enough that Japan felt a little bit wrong against his skin. He missed home when he was gone, but coming back felt like wearing a too old shirt that was too tight to be comfortable anymore.

Tooru moved to Hiro caressing his cheek softly. Hiro let out a soft breath of relief at the touch leaning up to kiss Tooru’s lips. Issei shifted in Hajime’s arms to look back at him. He was calculating. It was obvious. He saw the exact moment it processed.

“You feel like you don’t belong here already, too. Both of you feel like you don’t belong with us.”

Tooru flinched at the words but nodded letting Issei get angry at him if he wanted. Issei pulled away from Hajime to drag him over to where Tooru was still holding Hiro.

“Listen here, princess. That just means you need to visit more. I don’t care what country it is. It’s the four of us. We’re family.”

“I think we’re a little more than family.”

“Perv.”

The train ride back to their apartment was filled with babbling stories with Tooru gesturing wildly as he narrated the story half in Spanish half Japanese as he tried to find the right words between the two. Hajime kept a steady hand on Tooru’s back the entire time and Issei and Hiro took every opportunity to press closer soaking up their presence like it was something vital. They needed each other. They all knew it. When they got into the apartment nothing stopped Hiro and Issei pressing even closer, the four of them cuddling on the couch in a tangle of limbs. 

“I love you.” The sentence was said to all of them. It was a simple fact at this point. There was no way they didn’t love each other. They were a unit. They were just as much family as Issei had said before. That night when they parted to separate rooms it was reluctant. None of them wanted any more distance than necessary, but they all knew that they couldn’t get too used to being close again. Tooru and Hajime would have to leave soon and it would cut just as deep as it did every other time.


End file.
